What if?
My mind spends a lot of time wandering and racing. Inevitably I find myself at a place where I ask that question. Not usually referring to the future, as in "What if something goes wrong", I use it to take stock and make a mental map of where I've ended up.
What if I hadn't suggested we go to that movie theatre?
What if we hadn't walked down that street?
What if I hadn't spent that year away, realizing how hard being without him is?
What if we hadn't gotten pregnant in our second year of university?
What if I hadn't loved being a Mom as much as I do?
What if I hadn't gotten my Mom into the program that saved her life?
What if I hadn't agreed to letting go of the security of a steady paying job so that my husband could chase his dream of being his own boss?
What if these four amazing beings hadn't come into our lives at all?
If all those things hadn't happened as they did, I wouldn't be sitting here counting my blessings. As much as I am thankful for the material, the tangeable, I am thankful that the answer to the questions above are all "You wouldn't be in the wonderful place you are now."
It hasn't all been fantastic, satisfied reflection of course. We've hit bumps, setbacks and colic. Somtimes being with him is taxing. Sometimes raising them is exhausting. But as much as I complain about being everything to everybody, I can't think of anyone more comforting really. They chose me, and continue to choose me every day.
Today if you have even one person who looks at you the way my children do, you are truly blessed. At some point, while everyone is gorging themselves, take a look around. Revel in the happiness you've created. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
