I don't typically use the doldrums of January and February as an excuse to dive into a funk. Usually, I can look past the long nights and cold, short days and see that spring is coming faster than anyone realizes. I chant out that soon we will all be complaining about the heat, having soccer every night and mosquitoes.
This January though, I let myself slip in a bit. I spent a good portion of that month complaining about the size of my ass, but not really doing much about it. I stayed up too late watching absolutely useless TV (people, I watched Jersey Shore!) and woke up in the morning dazed, confused and frankly, pissed off.
November and December were shitty months for me. I started the holiday season feeling optimistic and invigorated about my job. A job that seemed to be moving from a means to make some extra money into an actual career. Then, it all went pear shaped. I won't go into details just Google the company I work for, if you know, and feast your eyes.
I've pretty much lost my faith in the idea that if you work hard, maintain loyalty and treat people well, you will be rewarded. An only slightly jaded but still optimistic me turned into a crabby, sensitive and frankly, whiny me. I spent most of January asking "Why me?". Everyone loves a girl who wallows in her beer. I've been really popular.
Now I wonder, why not me? Maybe this is how it was supposed to happen. I'm home more. I'm working out more. I'm working just enough to get to see all of my favourite people and maintain my seniority, so who cares? So I'm not someone's boss. I am learning fast that it might not be all it's cracked up to be. Besides, I have four people here who still need me to the their boss. They need to go back to having a Mom who forgets things because she's a scatterbrain, not because she's too lost in her own misery to even fathom it.
That last part sounds glum and full of doom, but it pretty much sums it up. And now I'm telling myself what I would tell anyone of you should you talk like that.
Suck it up, buttercup. Get at it and pull your head out of your ass.
