Bread Crumbs In The Butter

Bullety

It's the third day of summer here and I've lost the ability to function properly.  Instead of witting commentary and shocking content, accept these bullets as a poor subsitute.

• When your husband asks you to help him lose the post-hockey season pounds he put on, calling him "Fat Boy" as he contemplates a fudge bar or bag of chips will backfire intensely.  It will send him into a shame spiral and he'll eat both.
• I've slept in until 9:30am for the last three days.  I'm a bit sleep drunk now and I wake up feeling like the day is half over.
• Wednesday night it was hotter than the depths of hell as we slept, even with the AC on. Last night I was so cold with the windows open I had a dream my feet were falling off.  I had to get up and close the windows and thought about turning on the heat.
• My son is so incredibly adorable it hurts a bit.  If he thinks something is cool or he's excited he yells out "Awesome!" but it comes out "Awshum!"
• Cheerios Crunch cereal is so awshum, I would eat only that for a week.
• I am such an awshum wife.  I'm taking John to see George Thorogood next week for our 11th anniversary.  First we're headed to "The Works" for burgers.  He's going to squeal like a girl when he finds out.
• Less thank one week until Big Brother 8.  Yeefreakinghaw!  Ali, watch it. I mean it. DO IT.

Checkpoint By Checkpoint

A few months ago, I bought a new pair of running shoes.  They were so pretty and new, but a little snug and not as nicely broken in as my two year old pair.  I've been reluctant to wear them for a run so they've sat alone in the laundry room, waiting to be used.

I brought them with me this weekend, thinking I might wear them for the adventure race. Early Saturday morning, I took them out of my suitcase and almost put them on.  For some reason, I stopped.  I didn't mind getting them dirty, because I really wanted to break them in, but what if I got blisters or didn't like the feel of them?  So I put them back and put on my old ones.

We'll call that the first good omen of a very long day.

Having arrived Friday afternoon, Moyra, Alison and I woke up early (but still later than we hoped) to arrive at the Quest For  A Cure race headquarters for 8am.  We were excited, nervous and optimistic.  Our equipment was laid out and properly placed, our bikes checked.  At check-in we announced that the Blister Sisters had arrived and were given a team number of 24 and our maps.

We found a little corner of the large military building to sip our coffee, eat breakfast and pour over the maps.  At this point, I sat back and let Alison and Moyra do their thing. Orienteering was not my strong point, so I filled out waivers and watched.  I understood where we were headed and where to go,  but they zipped through the coordinates and found all of our checkpoints within just a few minutes.  While going over our maps and instructions we realized two things we didn't know we would be doing, swimming and an obstacle course.  Shocked, but up for it, we laughed about it and were ready to go.

After a late start and a quick briefing, all teams were handed a list of ten word jumbles as our first task.  Once the puzzle was completed we could set out for the first leg of the race.  Alison brought the map over and I was pretty much unstoppable.  If there's one area that being ADD helped me, it was this.  I whizzed through it and we produced the answers in less than a minute and first.

The first portion of that first leg was a run from the core of CFB Petawawa into town where we hopped onto a beautiful treed path until we reached a clearing and a small body of water, maybe 250 feet long.  Without hesitation we put on our PFDs and dove right in.  The water was glorious and our shoes were soaking wet, but we swam our asses off and arrived on the bank feeling slightly heavy.  More running brought us through some residential areas and then to our first manned checkpoint.  Then, down a path to my favourite part, the rapid ride.  We jumped in, turned on our backs, put our feet up and let the rapid carry us up the river.  It was almost easy to forget where you were or what you were doing; that is, until someone passed you and you stopped daydreaming and booked it up to the bank.

Our next checkpoint was the beach where we picked up our canoes and made our way into the water.  I think we were very well matched in all aspects, especially here.  I was in the stern, steering my ass off (even if I did sometimes forget what side to go in on!), with Alison and Moyra doing most of the rowing. 

There were five islands to find, with five checkpoints. We found the first with little difficulty, but because of some map confusion, we took a bit of a wrong turn that caused us to fall slightly behind.  After some frustration and confusion we eventually figured out where we were, almost accidentally, when keen-eyed Alison found our checkpoint.  We were slightly nervous that we no longer saw any other canoes on the water, but we made our way up to the canoe drop. 

I didn't see any other canoes stacked up, or a race official, so this is where I lost it a bit.

"Where are the other canoes? Where is the race guy!? What the fuck is going on here!" I whined, cried and threw my paddle down, but give me a break, we had just spent two hours in a canoe and my feet were like ice. 

We were told to portage our canoes to the checkpoint and drop them off.   I don't know how many times I said this in total, but I know I that "Are you fucking kidding me?" was my mantra for the day. This was the first time I said it.

At the checkpoint, we forlornly asked, "Are we the last to arrive?", but were shocked to hear that no, we were not.  Not even close.

"Well then, let's get going!?" I yelled out and Moyra and Alison laughed at me. 

This portion called for more running through some trails and up, once again, deep into the base.  This is also where we discovered our next checkpoint - the RCAF Military Obstacle Course. 

After I blurted out "Are you fucking kidding me?" to several military officials, we dropped our packs and went for it.  The soldiers were extremely helpful, walking us through each step and explaining what we had to do, even if we did yell and sigh a bit when we finished one portion and were told we had to move on to one more!

The obstacle course was finished and we felt great, especially when one soldier said "You did the Military Obstacle Course at CFB Petawawa.  Not many people can say that!"

We set off for race headquarters, giddy with the knowledge that we were at the halfway mark.  All we had to do was check-in, use the bathroom, grab some food and get our bikes.  Which is exactly what we did.

Smiling, happy, but a bit freaked out at the prospect of a very long bike, we were anxious to move on and get finished.  Moyra and Alison have said that the canoe was the low point for them, but I'll be honest and say a good portion of the bike was the low point for me.  Bear with me and I'll explain.

The first part of the bike wasn't a big deal really.  Down the same road we started and into Petawawa, we were instructed to turn right at a McDonald's.  Let me tell you, the smell of french fries and Big Macs were very very appealing.  We plugged on and went down a beautiful winding country road with some nice hills to get our legs nicely warmed up (and burning!).  We found our first checkpoint of the bike leg and a wonderful couple with encouraging words and smiling faces.  They pointed us in the direction of the trail entry and we made our way in.  At first the trail was nice and sunny and not too hilly, but quickly we encountered some hills, rough terrain and dense brush.  We did well though, with Alison and Moyra totally booking it and paving the way.  I was always slightly behind, but at this point, I was starting to go to that place I go when I'm tired and frustrated. I don't really want to chat, I just want to keep going.

We passed the first place team (confirming our estimate that we would be going in a big loop and coming out where we started).   They congratulated us and encouraged us, warning us that we were about to encounter some very deep marshes.

"You don't look wet though!" Moyra yelled out.

"You'll see, trust us!" they answered.

Great.

More brush, more rough terrain, more rocks.  I bumped my head on a low tree and swore.  Another checkpoint and the crossing of Highway 17 to where things got really interesting.  Our focus became finding Melody Trail.  We had already gone about 12-15km on our bikes, so it had to be soon and it may have been, but it seemed to take forever to find.  When we did, we met our next race official at the checkpoint and he instructed us to enter the bush and stay to our left, always to our left.  He seemed to emphasize that, so we listened and did what he said.

We stayed to our left.

I'll admit there were a few times when I thought for sure that guy was trying to screw us over.  The more rough the terrain and the more dense the brush, I was sure we had gone the wrong way.  We would hit unbelievable hills and then come down with so much speed, I think most of my protein came from eating bugs.   At that point, I'm sure from my pure stank, I picked up a fly and he proceeded to whiz his way around my head the rest of the race.  I was getting hungry and frustrated and angry.  Moyra and Alison were ahead of me and I was alone to curse myself out.  I wasn't questioning what I was doing or thinking of quitting.  Far from it.  I was just telling myself to suck it up and keep going.

We hit our first beaver dam and proceeded to plow through it. The water was about a foot deep, but there was no way around it, so through it was. 

A few minutes later, I came down a hill, wondering where everyone had disappeared to when I caught a rock and fell off my bike.  I stared up at the perfect blue sky and immediately thought I would cry, but I didn't.  I just got right back up.

I heard Moyra and Alison yell out "Are you okay?" and I yelled out, so hard my throat hurt, "I'm FINE!"  They laughed and decided to proceed, afraid of what they would encounter when I turned the corner toward them, not to mention they were getting eaten alive by bugs.

We continued on when slightly ahead of me I heard Moyra yell.  Not just her usual random squeal or giggle with what was coming next, but a genuine yell of shock and surprise.  Alison was yelling out  "Oh my God!",  so I wondered what the freaking hell I was going to find when I caught up.  A dead animal?  Dead racer? A race official telling us we were so far off course we had reached Nova Scotia?

Turns out, it was only a marsh. Yeah, only a marsh.

I can't tell you how long it was.  I want to say the length of a soccer field, because that seems right, but it may have been only half that.  It just seemed longer because we knew we had to go through it.

A clearing of water ran it's way through the marsh and we knew that was our best bet to get through. It was clearly where other teams had crossed and the safest way to go, because you could see what was in front of you.  We stopped for a few minutes, planning our way through it, when another team came up behind us.   I was thrilled to see them, because it meant we were on the right track, but anxious to get through because I didn't want them to pass us.

And so, we entered the marsh.  Waist deep black water.  I went first. My bike was too heavy to carry at this point, so I just pushed it along side me, through the water.   Alison and Moyra were close behind me and I yelled out when I got to a deep point or a bank strong enough to hold us so we could get out of the water for a bit. 

Slowly but surely we found the bank and made our way out of the muck and back onto the trail.  I realized this trail was the way out and I felt a bit renewed, even if I was angry and tired and so hungry Moyra's head was just a cheeseburger talking to me, inviting me to take a bite.   I was so impressed with my teammates.  They were still jovial, still chatty and still nice.  I felt bad for being so quiet, but I knew that if I started talking, I would either never stop or yell, so I shut up.  Alison seemed to have boundless energy, she just kept going.  She faced each hill and just made her way up.  I swore my way up each and every one, wanting to throw my bike.

We crossed Highway 17 again and eventually reached that first biking checkpoint.  The finish line was no longer something I thought we would never see, it was only about 5km away.  Alison let us know we had gone over 20km at that point and I was shocked! (It felt like 60).

When we got back into Petawawa, the wind picked up.  We had had the wind against us nearly all day, but now it was not only in my face, it was biting and strong.  I think if I was going to cry at any point, that was it.  One more time I said "Are you fucking kidding me?"  We had to walk our bikes up the last hill, over the bridge in town and through the gates of the base.   There was nothing left in our legs, but we got back on them at the base gates.  From there it was a slow, uphill, final stretch to the finish.  Alison in front, me in the middle, then Moyra.  We all gathered at the entrance to building Y101 to cross the finish line and hand in our team card.

We were congratulated and given many kudos.  I felt good, but really sort of ambivalent to all the praise.  I had to come down from what I had just done and get used to being around people again.  We had our photos taken with some race officials under the banner.   I felt good, but I really wanted to get back to camp to see my family, take off my soaking wet shoes and drink a beer.

I'm not sure what our time was, I think over 7 hours, but I know we came through the gates twelfth out of sixteen teams.   Our two goals were to finish and not come in last, so we were happy.  I can pretty much guarantee that we had more kids than any other team and say with reasonable assuredness that not many teams had children at all.  I think us three stay at home Moms who love to run, play soccer and be active in general really kicked some ass.

Our bikes and equipment were thrown into the back of my truck and we sped back to the campground to see our kids and husbands.  They were thrilled to see us.  The kids had made cards, beer was in the cooler and lawn chairs were waiting by the fire.   The first thing we did was hug our kids.  The second was grab a beer.  The third, take off our nasty, stanky, wet socks, that were once white and were now black.  John told us all to throw them in the fire and he'd take a photo.

How happy do these three chicks look?

We ate hamburgers, which we were easily the best hamburgers I had ever had.  The beer was the best beer I had ever had.  The shower I had was in the most disgusting cubicle ever, but it beat out the showers I had after the kids were born, it was that good.

The impact of the day didn't hit me until yesterday as I drove home.  I was over the sheer fatigue of it and thoroughly impressed with myself.  Before the race, I knew I could do it, but after the race I had done it.  There's a difference there I can't explain.

My teammates? I can't speak for how they feel, but I can tell you that I can't think of a better team. I think we worked amazingly well together.  There was not one point where I wanted to throw an oar or bike or camelback at them.  Alison, kept me motivated, not with her words, but with her sheer determined ability.  Moyra made me laugh on more than one occasion and even though I already knew how strong she was, I got to witness it, not to mention she kept her spirits up the entire time.  They were both just extremely pleasant to spend a day like that with.

Now that we've done a race as a team, we know how we operate.  We are definitely planning more races.  We've thrown out the idea of doing the 24 Hour Quest For A Cure,  next year, but are mainly thinking to train harder for the 8 hour and really go for it next year.  We'll see what comes up!

What are you doing this weekend?

I've know what I'm doing this coming weekend since roughly January or February, and I can't believe it's coming up in five days.

Myself and two friends have formed a team called "The Blister Sisters" and to punish ourselves for pleasure we are going to spend eight hours and span 32km while hiking/running, biking and canoeing.  For some shits and giggles we're going to include some orienteering, swearing and getting on each other's nerves.

Fun, huh?

Why are we doing this? 

Well, besides being fiercely competitive and stupidly stubborn, there's a good cause invovled.  Raising money for cancer research.  We can push our bodies to insane limits, but not everyone can.  An adventure race is a lot of fun for my friends and I, but any funds we raise as a team are integral to those who want to help bring relief to cancer patients.

If you've got even a small amount to spare, please let me know.  (I can even accept Paypal or credit cards!)

The Men In My Life

I find people to be less expressive about fathers than they are mothers.  I suppose it's the soft, nurturing nature of mothers, but fathers seem to get less sentiment on their big day.  I figure most Dads probably want to hear how appreciated they are and a new socket set is not necessarily the way to go.

Today, in honour of this gorgeous and sunny summer day, I'm going to post a tribute to two very important men in my life.  My Dad and dad to my own children, John.

I've posted before that my father and I haven't always had a solid relationship.  In fact, for a few years, it was non-existent.  When your parents are divored it becomes hard to maintain a successful connection with your non-custodial parent.  Other circumstances made it almost impossible for a long time.  However, in the last year or so, my father and I have grown much closer.  Two years ago my children didn't even know I had a father. Today, their Grandpa is a big part of their lives.

My father and I are very much alike.  Not only do I have his eyes, but I have his personality.  A good deal of the time we spend together is spent laughing.  We have bitter, sarcastic senses of humour and tease our spouses incessantly.  It's nice to see glimpses into myself and see where I came from.  He's a very smart man and I respect his opinion on a lot of things.   My life is so much better with him in it and I feel like I've finally been able to let my bitterness at his role in my childhood go.  I'm no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop or for him to dissappear.  I think he's hear to stay and we're both making the effort to keep this going.

When it comes to John, I see Father's Day a bit differently.   It's a time for me to think about what kind of father he is to our children.   Of course, I always knew he would be a great father, that's why I married him.   When I consider his relationship with his own father, I see just how different he is than how he was raised.  He is very affectionate with our children and quite hands on.  He's always the first one to put a pillow between us and heave a frightened child into our bed at 2am.  He wrestles them until they cry from laughing so hard.  He teases them and makes fart jokes.  He cuts their fingernails because he knows I'm afraind to. He pulls out wiggly teeth because he knows it grosses me out. He takes them to soccer games and picks them up from school.  He brings them to dance competitions when I can't go and comes back with hilarious play-by-plays of what went on.

He pretty much leaves all of the major parenting decisions to me, because he trusts me as their mother.  He's not afraid to give me his opinion but he always says that he chose me as their mother because he knew I would be great at it.  It's stuff like that makes me love him like I do.   

My own father is very important in my life, but John is probably the most important father in my life right now.  I can't think of a better teammate in parenting.

Happy Father's Day!

Rough Patch

It can suck being married sometimes.

Even though you've  been together almost longer than you haven't, there are days when you look at that person and think "Who are you?".

It doesn't matter what strong foundation you have, it can just be hard work, and there are days when you don't want to work at it. You want to walk away and go to bed mad, not caring about any sort of marital golden rules.

During some arguments, we can see in each other's eyes that we want to hurt with words. We want to get into a volley match of hateful things, but we both breathe in and out and sigh loudly before toning our opinions down.  There have been times where I've wanted to yell out "Just the sight of your face right now makes me want to hurl a frying pan at it",  but I've settled for  "Oh my God, you just don't get it!  And please, get a freaking haircut!" It doesn't matter how sensical the argument is, we're both going to argue the other's points until we're exhausted.

Life gets busy.  At times, chaos rules. Especially when you have young children.  John and I are guilty of playing the "Who has it worse?" game.  I'll be yelling out that I would love to throw myself under a bus and come back as him and he'll be screaming that a lot of women would be thrilled to have a husband who works from home, even if it means he has to work all the time.  It's our biggest bone of contention and we're in the thick of another cycle.  It affects my days, my moods and my dreams and makes me sad.  The negative stuff is all I see.  I don't see him putting gas in my truck or watering the flowers.  I see him ignoring the dishwasher and sleeping in while I'm getting the girls ready for school.  He doesn't see me making him coffee in the morning and putting it next to him in bed.  He sees me suggesting I another activity to make us busier and keep our days full.

Ebbs. Flows. Cycles. Changes. Rough patches.  Yes, sure. All of it.

But really, it can suck being married sometimes.

Connection

The sky is ominously dark here in Almonte, so while my satellite connection is still up and running, I've been wasting time surfing.  I ended up at Livejournal, where I have a small little journal that I write titbits and things that just don't make much sense.

The last time I wrote in it was February 9.   It's my usual flair. Parenting angst and self-doubt sprinkled with a little bit of worry.   But then, something jumped off the page.

"I'm scared. And I know John is too. He's been having nightmares about Alex for weeks. They always end with Alex's face burnt and disfigured. What is that about?"

February 9.

The weird thing is where he ended up on February 12.   At CHEO with Kawasaki.

It never ceases to amaze me how connected we can all be.  I know it sounds like I've had a few beers and I'm about to say "I love you man!", but really - reading that gave me chills.

I think about Kawasaki Disease less and less, but the impact it had will probably never go away, will it?

A Real Wild Child

Miracle of miracles, all soccer practices for tonight were cancelled.

It's like someone knew I needed a break and decided to let it piss rain and get colder than March.  I could live without the cold, but wet and rainy fields meant a night off for me.

When I found out the ideas swirled.  We would eat dinner and linger at the table!  We would clean the house!  Put away laundry! Play board games!

But first, I got the idea that I would sit on the couch and read a two month old issue of Shape.  The decadance was slightly orgasmic.

Do you know what happened next?

I fell asleep for ninety-minutes while John looked after the kids.

Wow.  Talk about a wild child, eh?

The season of water bottles and folding lawn chairs

Now I know why the soccer banner is so fitting.

We're practically living on soccer fields - again.

Just like last year, and the year before, someone in this family (myself included) is playing soccer nearly every night of the week.  The exception so far seems to be Friday.  And now, to add to the chaos, we have two nights where two of the girls play at the same time.

Would I have it any other way?  Doubtful.

Soccer is my sport.  I've been playing soccer nearly twenty years.  I still remember my first high school soccer season with fondness. It was the first time I felt part of something, the first time I felt like I had a talent.   I don't consider myself a natural athlete,  I find I have to work at it.  When I discovered I could really kick a ball, I was hooked.

So far, all three girls seem to have a knack for the game.  Their Dad's natural athletic ability coupled with my talent have produced three girls who can really kick ass.  Kristyn is a play-maker and goal scorer. She has no fear and a shot (left and right) that makes keepers afraid.  Erin, thanks to exceptionally long legs and a graceful gazelle-like run, can move the ball up from her own net to the other so fast it makes me shake my head.  Meghan is still learning, but it turns out her stubbornness and need for drama have produced a little player that refuses to give up.  So I don't recommend getting in her way.

Last night was my first game with my summer team (I missed last week because we were away) and I felt so alive.  I've played indoor all winter, but it's a totally different game on the big field.  More players, more room and more running.  It was exhilarating and great to be back.

I don't know how the term "Soccer Mom" came to have negative connotations, but I'm here to tell you that Soccer Moms rule.  End of story.