For the first time since Alex was released from the hospital I feel totally normal. I'm calm, cool and sleeping. I've not had to take a sleeping pill in over a week and I feel rested in the morning. I'm still having nightmares, but they only wake up John, not me.
So it's good.
I'm also back at the gym and training again, which feels so good. In the last two weeks I've maintained four weekly runs and I've been weight training again. It really helps to have a forty minute outlet to imagine all of the bad things that can be going on with Alex's heart. Then I put on some angry music and just sweat.
I'm working on a series of articles for GNMParents on Attachment Parenting and our experiences. Mostly the topics near and dear to me, which are homebirthing, cloth diapering and breastfeeding. If you're interested, watch for those and I'll send out the links.
Normal feels ... good. Refreshing. I can't promise I won't spew crazy again at some point, but we're getting there.