Bread Crumbs In The Butter

Sunday Best

Some bullets on Sunday to let you know what I've been into lately:

• I just finished reading The Bachelorette Party.  I got it Sunday, started it that night and finished it Tuesday night.  I laughed out loud at 2am.  It is that funny. She writes like I talk. It's not serious lit or extremely thought provoking (unless you count dreaming about 18 year old male models), but I could not put it down.  Do you have a fluffy book like that? One that you could read over and over?
• Kristyn and John have been checking out Where's Willy (there is a Where's George for the US too).  She is going to tell her teacher about it and set up a class project or something.
• Ottawa Start has a kick ass Ottawa Blog Guide.  Check it out. Add yours.
• A few of blogs I started clicking on obsessively in the last week or so are Mama Tulip (her writing makes me want to throw away my computer), Reluctant Housewife (her blog name alone kicks ass) and Izzy Mom. Izzy's most recent post about blurting out observations reminds me of a friend who constantly points out things about me that aren't secrets, but aren't necessarily things I wanted broadcasted either.

It went well...

Considering the possibilities for foolishness, I did fine.  I didn't swear. The food was good. I'm very happy. The Sara Lee pound cake I scarfed this morning didn't sit well, but it worked it's way through before air time.

I did say "shove it" and "stick it", but they were in context, so no one noticed but me (and John. Thanks John).

After soccer tonight I am getting drunk and going to sleep. I didn't sleep much last night. When I did I dreamt I was on TV wearing just my pants and no one had the nerve to tell me.  That didn't happen and I know Lianne would have said something but still, freaky.

Now you can all see what I truly mean...

I'm going to be on TV tomorrow.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

Right about now you're asking "Why?".  Let me tell you.

I know I've mentioned a few times that I am ready to start on my own career path now that the kids are getting older.  This new path has nothing to do with kids, birthing, or even being a doula. It's exciting and new and totally freaking scary.

My friend Lianne and I have started a small scale (for now) catering and event planning company.  She makes organized look messy and I know my way around a kitchen, so we put our two (four?) hands together and came up with this idea.  Lianne is the details gal and I'm the food gal. A perfect match.

A few weeks ago, we organized and catered an event that took place at A Channel studios here in Ottawa.  We took over the desk of the Noon Show's producer.  I gave her some food (cause she had been there since like 5am) and she asked me to come and do a cooking demonstration on the show. I said yes.

And then I freaked out.

I think you're aware that I tend to say stupid things when I'm nervous or uncomfortable so this should be quite an event.   I know how to cook.  I usually cook alone. I swear a lot when I cook.

I promise not to swear on TV tomorrow and I'm sorry if you were hoping to see the most profane cooking demo ever.  Still, watch me tomorrow on A Channel Noon at about 12:20pm.  I'll be the tall girl with cream cheese all over her shirt.

I haven't grown more sympathetic

Last year I took my family in to a local clinic only to be announced the sickest family of the week. We're not quite there today, but we're in the running.

Four out of six of us are sick. Can you say crappy?

I thought I would be breaking witty ground by posting about John being the most pathetic and annoying sick person alive, but I'm so wrong.  It seems we've already gone there.  When you have four kids your brain farts so hard that you can't remember logging complaints for the World to see. In my defense, that post is 18 months old.

On deck for tonight?  I'm glad you asked.  I know I've said this before, but there was a serious NyQuil drought during my pregnancy and nursing years of 1996-2004ish.  Tonight I'm enjoying a NyQuil and vodka cocktail while Tyra Banks brings me to my knees in anticipation of her overacting and high drama.

I make crabby look fun

I am in a bad mood. Really bad. My lack of sense of humour probably rivals that of the person who has to make Ashlee Simpson sound like she can sing. (See? And I'm mean too.)

Normally when I'm crabby I pick little fights with John so that I can vent it all out and move on.  I am in such a state today that I don't even want to talk to him, let alone anyone else. If I've talked to you today and was at all mean, I am sorry.

I'm not feeling well. I fear I've caught whatever Erin had this weekend.  It bothers me to no end that being sick doesn't get me a day off. It just gets me a day of dragging my ass around town trying to act friendly.  All I want to do is go to bed, watch Pretty in Pink and remember the days when I thought Molly Ringwald was the person I most wanted to be.  I want to call my Mom and tell her that I'm ready to quit all this and come home.

While I'm off baking squares for a nursery school fundraiser, why don't you guys tell me what you do when you're in a crappy mood.  Hit things? Drink? Eat? General mayhem?

Crown of flowers

Here is my gorgeous daughter (and me!) all set for her First Communion.  It went fine. It was also her birthday and she was spoiled.

Click through to see a family photo. Something we haven't done in a while.

Let me tell you a story about one of my daughters

When Erin was 3 years old she cut the tip of her finger off in our patio door lock. She just turned around and said "Mommy, I cut my finger off."  That day they did surgery on her hand while she was awake. No sedation, just freezing. The only crying she did was to let the nurse know she needed more ice cream in her cone.

When we left the plastic surgeon said she was the toughest three year old he had met.

She is extremely tough and has a high tolerance for all things painful and uncomfortable.  The funny thing about her being that tough is that she is also not very assertive or self-confident.  This is one of the reasons I felt competitive dance would be good for her. Doing something she loved and was good at. Allowing her to compete and see the reward for trying so hard was sure to bring her out of her shell.   It really has and she has made great friends and I can see her shoulders held a bit higher. She has more of a spring in her step when she goes off into situations that might normally leave her paralyzed with fear of failure.

Yesterday hundreds of people got to see what I already know about my daughter.

When leaving for Mont Tremblant we stopped to pick up her best dance friend and her parents. We were all sharing a condo and totally excited at our night away with just two kids.  Turned out that her friend had a 103 fever and was puking.  That made the first part of our 3 hour drive pretty interesting. The second part of the ride was made even better when Erin announced she was feeling sick and she started to barf too.

Two barfing kids. Lots of plastic bags and kleenexes. Good times.

We arrived at the resort where the competition was being held and both girls could barely stand up. Erin was barfing on her way into the hotel.  When their ten other teammates and teachers saw them they gasped. No one was upset with them, but they were worried.  Since both girls insisted on getting dressed and ready, we let them rest until the last possible minute and then did them all up. Even though they were told repeatedly that they did not have to compete both girls went back stage.  The friend's Mom and I went into the ballroom to watch and see what would happen, fully expecting the team to dance without our two girls.

When we met John and the girl's Dad in the ballroom John said "Erin is laying on the floor backstage. I can see her from here."   I started to cry. I felt so badly for her.  I wanted to run back there and pick her up, but the announcer called their number.

Well, didn't my daughter and her friend jump right up and bounce on stage like nothing was wrong. For 3 minutes and 30 seconds they danced like it was a Monday night in the studio.  No one barfed. No one ran off stage. No one passed out.  They did their thing with smiles on their faces and walked off gracefully. When we met them backstage they were sweating, but sitting up and smiling. Revelling in the praise of the entire team and teams from other schools. They had saved the day!

The absolute best part? Besides the puking, knee-knocking fear and tears?  They won FIRST place. Yesterday our girls were the best team to dance in their category and age group.  They got trophies and ribbons and flowers.  Then they went back to the chalet and passed out.  They ate this morning and are both feeling much better.

When I think about the moment when I saw her dancing despite how badly she felt I smile.  I admire this kid so much. I don't think I could have done what she did. I think I would have pulled out, curled up into a ball and gone to sleep.

I've got some pretty kick ass kids, eh?

One Kid Focus

Today marks the beginning of the weekend I pegged as "One Kid Focus" back in November.  It's going to be All Erin All The Time!  The other three? Better luck next weekend.

Tomorrow we leave for Mt Tremblant so that Erin can dance in a competition there. Just John, Erin and me. 3 hours of preparation in a gorgeous resort for a two minute and thirty second song. It's all worth it. We're going with another set of dance parents, staying in a free condo and going to a microbrewery for dinner.  Dance! Costumes! Makeup! Drunk!

Saturday I might say hello to the other three kids if I see them.

Sunday is Erin's birthday and her First Holy Communion. At 10am I am taking her in to get a little manicure as a birthday gift and to get her all pretty for her gorgeous dress.  The same dress Kristyn wore. The same dress Meghan will wear. Even someone as dead inside as me won't be able to resist shedding a tear or two.  And Alex will be a in plaid shirt and a tie. More tears.

If I come up with something witty to say between now and then you'll be the first to hear it.  If not, you must wait for Sunday to see heart hurting adorable pictures of my daughter with a crown of flowers. Oh yes, there will be flowers.

Goooooaaaal!

This Easter Monday 2006 featured the first Hubert Family Violent Soccer Championship game or HFVSC.

Today's teams were Daddy, Kristyn and Alex (Daddy's Team) versus Mommy, Erin and Meghan (Mommy's Team).

Early in the first half Daddy's Team scored a possibly illegal goal as Daddy had Meghan lifted above his head. The ball did go in clean past the goalie so the referee (Daddy), deemed it good. 45 seconds after this goal Meghan took her first of 36 water breaks because she was "Incredibly thirsty." Leaving Mommy's Team down one man. Mommy's team managed to score a goal despite the opposing team's power play because Mommy flashed Daddy her boobs.

The first injury of the game occured when Kristyn kicked Mommy in the knee causing a previous HFVSC injury to split open and bleed everywhere. Meghan had to take another water break because she felt sick to her stomach and afraid that Mommy would die from bleeding.

Several more goals were scored by Daddy's team but we won't discuss those because Erin and Meghan were looking at worms and looking for fairies and Mommy was left playing Ironman all by herself. After a serious time out where Mommy discussed the importance of dedication to the moment, the girls got back into it. Then, Meghan took another water break.

Break for halftime.

Mommy scored 3 minutes into the second half using her left foot and sailing it right through Daddy's legs. He said he flinched because she was aiming for his balls. Mommy said to suck it up and move on. Shortly thereafter, Alex was put to the sidelines for hogging the ball and not passing to anyone. When he cried, the decision was made to bench him. There is no crying in the HFVSC.

A penalty was called with 4 minutes remaining for a serious offense. Daddy scored on Erin, but the goal did not count since he had farted in Mommy's face, causing her to go down hard. Farting on your opponent is most certainly not allowed in the HFVSC. Mommy took the penalty shot with Daddy in net. This time she did aim for his male area and while she didn't score, she hit her mark.

The game ended at 6:30pm with a score of 9-6. We're just not sure who got 9 and who got 6. During the discussion Mommy was a sore loser proclaiming it impossible to block Daddy given he is 6'3" and 245lb. Daddy said they could settle it over beer in the house. Mommy was getting cold, so she conceded and enjoyed her Coors Light.

But do garage sales offer foam?

My husband rocks. As an Easter treat he took us all out for chinese food last night. We ate our faces off. We are probably no longer welcome at The Mandarin Garden and I don't blame them, we ate a steam tray of crab legs.  But my point is, it was fun and we got compliments on our kids from everyone around us.

Since we are rarely in Kanata, I wanted to hit a drive thru Starbucks to get a Grande Decaf Cappucino with one sugar stirred in.  John never goes there, so he agreed.

We got to the window and poor John seemed very perplexed at all the choices. I leaned in and gave my order and then he threw up his hands in the air and started crying. No? Okay really. He just said "I want coffee. Just coffee. With two cream and two sugar. Medium Sized."

The girl said "Okay, so one Grande Decaf Cappucino and one Grande Sumatra with two cream and two sugar.  That will be $6.34."

I think John puked in his mouth a little right before he passed out.

"SIX DOLLARS FOR TWO COFFEES!?"

We pulled up to the window and he said "We only got two coffees, right? Not four. Are you sure that's right."   The girl assured him that was right and she had a look on her face that indicated she really didn't give a rats ass.  Just please pay for the coffee so she could go back to talking to her very yummy co-worker.

She handed him my cappucino and again, he puked in his mouth before he passed out and when he woke up he said  "This is half foam! You just paid $4 for a coffee that is half FOAMED MILK!  We could get four coffees for this price at Tim's. What makes this so special?"

I didn't really have an answer so I said "It has a kicky sleeve and quotes from famous people on it?"

"But we could get coffee and lemonade at a garage sale for .25 a cup.  Real coffee! Beans picked in the heat of the Columbian jungle by four year olds - CHEAP! The way it's supposed to be."

Poor guy. He was sweating.  I had to find a way to distract him! I noticed a sign that said "Garage sale leftovers. Free. 14 Whatsitsname St."  so I said "LOOK FREE JUNK!"

We turned so fast that the coffee burned my lip a bit, but it worked. He forgot about the coffee and we got a naked lady lamp to bring home.  I can't believe no one paid a quarter for it yesterday morning?