Bread Crumbs In The Butter

Whip it out, pee off the deck.

I was loading up some laundry and looked out the window. There I saw Alex, pants down to his ankles, tiny penis whipped out, peeing off the deck.  Meghan was just disgusted but he thought this was great. I could see the wheels turning; "If she says it's okay to pee in the bush/against the wall/behind the tree, it has to be okay to do THIS."

And it SO is.

It's been 4 days now. Only underwear during the day and cloth training pants at night. No break-throughs during the day and this morning he woke up BONE DRY.  He probably thought he had just been named Prime Minister based on the party we through him.

The end is in sight. I'm almost there. Hopefully soon, I'll be the lady in the Suburban throwing cloth diapers out the window on the highway.

The TAG! on your shirt is showing!

I was tagged by Angie at Peas In My Pod and I will happily play since I am in a blogging funk.

Ten Years Ago:

I was 20 years old.  I had just returned from Dalhousie University to be with John, who had just asked me to marry him "some day" (which came sooner rather than later!). We met just after I graduated high school in 1994 and spent a year apart while I studied in Nova Scotia.  I came back to live with him and we were in our first apartment on Metcalfe St. A small one bedroom above the garage door for the building. It was so loud.  I remember we used to go to school (all of our classes were scheduled in the afternoon), go to dinner, the movies or a bar/club, stay up until 3am and start again. Nearly every day until I found out I was pregnant in March of 1996.

Five Years Ago:

This is kind of eerie, actually. Five years ago today was my due date with a baby I lost at 13 weeks in March of 2000. Five years ago tomorrow is the day that I found out I was pregnant with Meghan. I had given my self the EDD as a deadline with which to be pregnant by, but I was terrified to test the day of because I couldn't stand the idea of it being negative.  I remember, the next day, standing and holding that test stick and being shocked. I was only about 9 DPO, but that line was *bright*.

We were living in our new house, the one we just sold.  I remember pulling up to that house and feeling so lucky for living there.

I was the mom of two. Kristyn was almost 4 and in Junior Kindergarten and Erin was 2.5 and my constant buddy.

We had an antique store on Main St that was sucking us dry and we decided to move the business to our house.  John became a full time work at home Dad.

One Year Ago:

I was a Mom of four, having just weaned my last baby and feeling really great about it. 8 years of pregnancy and nursing behind me like a badge of honour.  Kristyn was in Grade 3, Erin in Grade 1, Meghan started preschool and Alex was 20 months.

We had just made the decision to sell our house the following Spring and move here, to the farm.

Another eerie coincidence; I started blogging one year ago today.

I had my tickets to my first Beastie Boys concert and I think everyone around me was tired of hearing about it.

Yesterday:

I thought about running a local 5K Friendship Run, saw the rain, and said "No."  We went to do groceries instead. My Mom came to visit and then we had dinner guests, a great couple we met through my oldest and prettiest friend (she reads this blog, so I suck up), who live here in town. 

I watched the season premiere's of Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy and crashed, praying that my PVR would arrive soon so I can get to bed earlier and record everything. (October 5 is TOO FAR away!).

Five Songs I Know All The Words To:

"Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd

"Creep" by Radiohead

"Brass In Pocket" by The Pretenders

"Sweet Child Of Mine" Guns N Roses

The theme song to "This Is Daniel Cook" the most annoying Treehouse TV show ever!

Five Snacks:

Chips and Salsa

Lime and Black Pepper by Miss Vickie's chips

Buffalo Wings

Jalapeno Poppers

Movie salad

Five things I'd do with 100 million dollars:

Gotta agree with Angie, I'd shop my ass off.

Buy an island and move only people I like there.

Buy an island and move people I don't like there.

Build a house just for my shoes

Be the same person I am now, only richer!

Five places I'd run away to:

New York City

Anywhere Carribean

England

Ireland

Carleton Place (in other words, WHO CARES WHERE!?)

Five things I would never wear:

My hair short

Skorts

Mall bangs

Tevas with socks (hello, 1993!)

Bicycle shorts

Five Favourite TV Shows

Family Ties

Friends

Medium

Beverly Hills 90210 (Yes, really!)

The Simpsons

Five greatest joys

A day with nothing to do and my family here (including John to help out!)

An extra large double double coffee from Timmy's.

Monday and Wednesday mornings.

A great run.

Realizing that I have very little cellulite on my ass and thighs left.

Five favourite toys:

My laptop

The central vaccuming vent in my kitchen that sucks up the dirt I sweep.

The DVD player in the truck

Flatiron

My cell phone

Current Reads:

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon (It's taking me forever.)

Confessions of Super Mom by Melanie Lynn Hauser (all done, but I'm plugging it AGAIN, GO READ IT!)

Some suspense mystery jobbie by Jonathan Kellerman.

This week's People Magazine

My favourite piece of food porn, Kraft What's Cooking magazine.

Five People I am tagging to do this:

The Drool Factory

Drowning In Kids

Piece of Work

Hello, Self

LaLa

Inspiration Lost?

I'm in a bit of a blogging funk, I suppose.  Being a perfectionist I don't really want to post dribble drabble, but today realized that if my life is dribble drabble right now, is that a bad thing?  I'm not overly stressed or overscheduled. So that's good, right? 

I didn't realize that moving to a rural area would be so laid back as to have this kind of effect on me.  I am in love with the people here. Not only are they ultra cool, but they set everyone at ease. The feel of every activity we take part in is totally different.  The dance school teachers are warm and fun. Yesterday I heard "Let's take a couple of weeks and let Erin decide her numbers." What a change. Last year was "Pick now. Book now. Make a decision NOW."  The preschool Moms are friendly and welcoming. I've made quite a few new friends.

Alex is adjusting to preschool like a champ. He just loves to go. His teachers think he is adorable and quiet (yes, my son is quiet).  They both agree that, yes, Alex needs speech therapy, but they don't see many markers of autism or even asperger's. He's a very social kid who loves to help his classmates. One of them has experience in the area and said perhaps PDD at most - but even that is just trying to get a label on him. Time will tell, but I take that very positively.

Soccer starts next weekend and I am totally pumped. I've been working hard, running extra and lifting weights (which I hate).  My next 5K is one week from today. I'm ready.

Hiddley Ho!

A sign I should probably give the Gangsta Rap a rest?

On the way to the bus stop this morning Meghan said "Fo sheezie My neezie it's cold out here."

LACLHAB

Alex went off to preschool like an old pro this morning. He gave me a big hug and said "Ba Bye Mama" and made a beeline for the gluing table. Mommy doesn't let him play with glue at home, so this was a treat of a day.  I swear I saw him test the water and lick his finger after a big dip, but hey, it's not my problem today!

I'm so proud of my Bud Bud.

On a totally unrelated note, LACLHAB (Life After Cleaning Lady Had A Baby) continues and I cleaned my some toilets yesterday.  I had me a shadow. Meghan. She watched in earnest and had fun getting high on fumes with me.

Today she is here alone with me, as staggered Kindergarten has me Mommy-Free-Day free all week long.  She said she was gonna "Go play and clean up a bit".

She came to me a few minutes ago and said "Mommy, you can go pee in your toilet now. I cleaned it for you."

"What did you clean it with, Meghan?"

"Your little bottle of stuff you said cleans your hair and makes it shiny and smells nice."

Let's just say that if I was running a race today, my time would be off the clock, that's how fast I ran.  Do you know what she used to clean my toilet?  My miracle in a bottle hair serum that costs about 5% of the GDP of this country.  All this made worse by the fact that I just bought a new bottle after John inadvertently knocked it over two weeks ago.

Breathe. Punch. Breathe. Punch. Breathe. Drink.

Something that should only be used for good and not evil

Oh my God.  I am so freaking tired of hearing "Moooommmmyyyy! Alex scratched/scraped/pinched/hit/kicked me!"  in a voice so high octave and whiny only a girl can make. All three of them. I think somewhere in the last week or so Kristyn has forgotten she is almost 9 years old and able to either remove him from the situation or beat the shit out of him.

I know it's not the right way to go about it, but today I actually did yell out "So hit him back then!"  There's only so much redirecting and time outs I can do before I really wonder why they can't just take care of it themselves. I have explained that the reason he does it is because he enjoys their reaction (and as someone who has a little sister and loved to wail on her you just gotta respect that).

In all this Sunday morning hullabaloo, I discovered something.  Severe Mommy frustration and lack of decent break or sleep has given me the power to read minds. More likely, the TV's MIND! 

Alex was being relentless on Meghan just now and I yelled out, without really knowing why, "Alex come quick! The Backyardigans is on!"   He stopped. Ran to the TV and turned it on.  In my head I was thinking "Please be on. Please be on." and holy shit!   IT WAS JUST STARTING.

A hush fell over the room and Kristyn said "Wow, Mommy. How did you do that?"

So I said "See. Mommy does know everything. Be very afraid, my friend!"

Ever wonder why you're walking around the house holding a marshmallow?

... because your child came up to you, said "Hold this!" and you didn't question. You just did. Then you look down and wonder how you ended up with a sticky marshmallow in your hand.

That's the kind of fog I'm in right now.  John has been really "busy" (read, being able to fuck off to God knows where for the sake of business), so I've been doing it all for 7.9 years.  Okay, more like a week, but still.  Do you know what I do when it's 10pm and the house is finally quiet but I'm too scared to go to bed because we're in the middle of nowhere and John is not here?  I drink and IM with a friend of mine who could just as easily drive here so we can get smashed in person, but her husband was working too.

So, when I'm a drunk and Jay and I have switched sides I can blame it on John.

Two more "first days" were had this week.  Meghan's first full day of Kindergarten. Very very good, but tiring for the girl who loves to sleep. Totally overshadowed by Alex's first day of preschool.  We walked in together, he clung to my leg and said "DO NO", which means "Don't go".   I stayed for a bit and then he found some trucks and I no longer existed, but he did say goodbye. 

When I picked him up his teacher agreed that it might be worth really pushing some speech therapy. I've contacted the program for this township and the good news is we don't have to start all over from the Ottawa program, they can just transfer his record.  The bad news?  The Ottawa lady was going to call this week. Just missed it. Crap.  In any case, Alex jumps the line for Lanark and could be in before Christmas.  His teacher also agrees that having three older sisters who DO talk for him quite a bit could be a factor and preschool will challenge him to communicate with his peers more.  Fingers crossed.

PMS has hit, and thought it's better than the alternative, I feel like a lunatic. All of this crazy wears on me.  It's not a good sign when family members wince when you call their names!

Yeeeehawww!

With so much land, our family sprawls.  Come mealtime, I can't find anyone and this is when you can find me yelling of the deck things like "If you all don't get in her to eat in five minutes, I'm throwing it out!"

This morning, I remembered something left over from the old farm house. A dinner bell. Complete with clapper and a spot to attach it to the clothesline.  I know you think I'm kidding but I rang that sucker for breakfast this morning and dagnabit, everyone came to breakfast!

You just can't get more country than that. Well, I suppose I could starting drinking "50", but that won't happen, so we'll just stop at the dinner bell.

Hello, my name is Chantal and I am Alex's Mom

The first day of school went very well here. I drove them in, after briefly stopping to meet our bus driver and got to follow both in and meet their teachers.  At first, Erin cried and Kristyn seemed sullen in her big Grade 4 class. I left in tears, on my cell to John in the Tim Horton's lineup needing caffeine to calm me down. (Shut up, it's true!).

But, at lunchtime, the principal called to say Erin had been stung by a bee on her finger and I got to talk to her. Besides the sting, she said she was having a great day.  More of the same from Kristyn when I met them at the bus stop at 3:40.  Awesome days all around.  It was a grueling six hours waiting for them, and I missed them so much, but they obviously did better than I did.

Yesterday morning we walked to the bus stop at the end of our driveway, which a friend pointed out is longer than her kids actual walk to school!  This morning we mixed it up and took the four wheeler.  After they were dropped off, I got in my big 4x4 in pouring rain to return our neighbour's dog. I am so country it's funny!

As for Alex and Meghan, all teachers have been met and first days arranged. Meghan has again pronounced herself the smartest girl in her junior kindergarten class. She returns next Wednesday, all day, so I can work on deflating her head a bit. I have a sneaking suspicion that the teacher was not 100% crazy about Meghan. She can be a bit of a show-off, I suppose, but she is so enthusiastic about learning that she can't help it.

At the orientation for Alex's preschool, I felt a bit off and sad.  It was the first time I used words like "I am here for Alex." and "My son is Alex and he is a new student."   It was the first time I was anywhere representing Alex and it felt weird, cause he's my baby.  The good news is that I was able to sign up for more duties because my three other children are taken care of during nursery school time. Another fringe benefit for Alex being the youngest.

The days are getting shorter here and we've been busy.  We've picked apples. Gone hiking. I've broken in my ultra-cool running trail.  If you want to see pics, drop me a line and I will link you.

If you don't like it, don't call me Fraggle

Given the events of this week, It all seems so retarded, to argue about what I pay for my hair every 8 weeks, but here we are ... and so I rant.

While looking over our credit card statement for last month, John noticed the usual charge (nothing has changed since I started getting done at this salon) and balked. Loudly. "$160 to get your hair cut? Are you fucking nuts?"

I was making HIS lunch, and I shrugged my shoulders.  "It's not just a cut, you know."

Didn't matter. To him, it was the same idea as going to the barber and saying "Number 4 on the back and sides and trim the top."   He was angry. He yelled. He bitched.  I know it's about more than my hair, but he continued, and then told me never to go there again.

Um. Uh uh. No. Maybe 10 years ago when I didn't know how to stand up for myself, CHUMP, but not now.  I am everything to everyfuckingone in this house.  I am the be all, end all.  I cook, clean, wash everyone's stinkyass underwear, make the beds, chauffeur etc... I sit at this computer for hours on end making sure we get paid, alot of times taking serious abuse from customers.

If I deserve anything, it's to spend a bit of time and money on myself and if that means paying $160 on my hair every two months, that is what it will be.

He sure likes to make fun of me when that 8 weeks is almost up.  He points and laughs at the frizzies. Calls me names like "Fraggle" and generally just gets a good laugh on at my expense.  I'll remind him of that next time he looks at that bill.