Every day on the drive in, as we pass through Little Italy, we encounter a small group of ladies practicing Tai-Chi. They're presence there is so Zen, so calming. The way they slowly move about the park makes me not want to throw my coffee as we hit that particular red light. I count on those tiny ladies for my daily dose of peace.
And then one day, they had swords.
Yes! You read that right. Swords.
I am not sure of the significance of the swords and while I am fully aware that I could research more and find out why they were wielding swords, I don't want to. I would prefer to think of the significance as being that swords kick some serious ass. Really. Ask yourself how many times a sword could have brought peace to your day.
Tim Horton's messes up your coffee again. Not only did they give you two milk and four sugar when you asked for two cream and a half sugar, there is an empty Splenda packet in the bottom of your cup. The answer? Show up the next day with a sword. They'll get it right.
Bell Canada has once again messed up your bill, charging you for a phone line you don't have, removing the phone line you do have and invoicing you for midget porn. Give that automated chick Emily a call and tell her you've got a sword being held to the telephone poll on your street. If she says "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that, please repeat" one more time, you're cutting the phone lines to all of Almonte!
You've sent a report for the same revision twice only to have it come back with anything but that revision and it now includes a paragraph in pig latin and a doodle of a ladybug wearing a top hat? Smack that sword down on your colleagues' desk. That report will come back in English and addressed to the Queen of the Effing World!
You asked the kids to do their laundry. And they did. Or rather, they threw a load in the washer and left it there for three days. What you are left with is a load of wet clothes that smells so bad your eyes water and you have to dry it and wash it again, twice, just to salvage the sweater you paid $120.00 for. The answer? Take a picture of you positioning the sword right over their favourite teddy bear or the game console of your choice. Those kids won't ever forget the rinse cycle again!
You're at the grocery store. You've been in line for twenty minutes and suddenly another cashier descends from the heavens and opens up. To which the chick three people behind you runs in to get served by. The answer? Actually, I have no witty banter for that one. Bitch deserves whatever she has coming to her with that sword!
The sword. I don't know how I've ever lived without the idea in my head!
