I know I'm doing it, but it's hard to stop when it can feel so oddly good.
It gives me a reason to eat chips for supper, like I did last night. I can drink too much beer on a Tuesday night and tell myself it's because things suck right now and I deserve it.
I can stop running and working out and rationalize that my time and efforts are needed elsewhere.
Then one Saturday morning, I will wake up and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and see it. Not only do I feel the wallow in me, I can see it.
This just has to change.
Yes, things are hard in the Hubert household. John and I have been fighting like crazy about money, compromise and who has it worse right now. Have you seen two grown ups argue over who had less toothpaste? It's pretty sad.
Our house is going up for sale and that has been a lot of work. When you're asking a certain amount for a property, it's gotta look like it's worth it. I can tell you that after four weeks, one staging expert and a whole lot of elbow grease, this house looks amazing. Not in a way that makes me want to stay, because the mortgage still gives me heart palpitations - in a way that reassures me this is the right decision. It does not look like we live here anymore. It's a beautiful house, but it's not my home.
I'm feeling good about the whole thing and that's huge right now.
There have been small glimmers of stuff that makes me smile.
This week, we scraped up enough to purchase our first actual bed. Not just a mattress on a frame (cause we have a really great mattress), but a bed. It's made of actual wood and rails and posts. Four posts! I need a stool to get into it.
Meghan won third place at the Renfrew Rotary Music Festival. The adjudicator told her she had the best rhythm of the bunch. It didn't drown out the melody. She was thrilled.
Ball hockey has started again. How much I love this sport is impossible to describe. Soccer is my thing, but the pace and agility of ball hockey pumps me up for days.
I'm muddling through. Hopefully soon, we'll have started another new chapter and I'll go back to regaling everyone with my filthy mouth and crazy ideas.