It's a beautiful Easter Monday morning and with our house going up for sale soon, I am on a mission to get rid of stuff. I've got a massive pile by the front door just waiting to head either to the dump or the barn.
"So Babe, think you back up the truck and trailer to the front door so I can just start hauling shit into it?
"What kind of shit, my eloquent delicate flower?" (Okay, he didn't say it quite like that, but he did make some remark at my language.)
"Stuff to take to the dump mostly. Trash that's too big and too costly to put out with our regular garbage. (We pay for our garbage here, people!)
I could see the wheels moving in his head. The blood boiling.
You see, he thinks his life is full of running little errands just like this one for me. Pick up the pizza. Take this to the dump. Screw in this light bulb. Take out the garbage. Clear the driveway. Pressure wash the house. Clean the garage. Go see whose ass needs wiping I have my hands in a chicken. When you're in town getting gas for the plow/mower/chainsaw, can you get me some tampons. Cut the kids toenails, they look like Fritos. Return the beer empties and get a new case of beer, but make it PC Light just for me.
And on and on and on.
Most of these are jobs I not only am too busy to do, I just don't want to. There are certain things in any house that are just inherently male or female. They might vary from household to household, but we all have those little niggling things we refuse to do. I rarely do any of the things I mentioned, but in my defence, John rarely empties the dishwasher, puts away groceries, plans our meals, barbecues, gets propane for the barbecue, pays the household bills, takes care of the pool or handles first aid.
This is how our marriage works. It works just fine.
Even still, I know he has a busy weekend coming up and the idea of taking our household castoffs to the dump just isn't something he's into. So, because I'm either nice or horny or both, I thought; "Would it be so bad to take a load to the dump on Saturday? I have four helpers and I've never been. Who knows? It might be fun. I might find a new hangout!"
"It's fine, Babe." I said, batting my eyelashes. "Just pull it up to the house and I'll take it to the dump!"
"Awww... thanks!" he said, tilting his head to the side. "That would be awesome! Cause I'm headed down to Blahblahville that day and I don't know if I'll have time!"
"OH!" I squealed in delight! "Blahblahville is the only place that sells Tampax Light Tampons! Can you grab me some at the Wal-Mart while you're there?!"