Girls With Balls

I was pointed to Her Bad Mother from Mama Tulip for a truly inpsiring writing assignment.

There are so many causes I am passionate about (each word is it's own link there).   I certainly can't say that it's hard to get me fired up.  I often take on ideas and run with them.  Fueled by an intense feeling that something has to be addressed right here, right now.  Picking just one to write about was not easy, but writing about the one I've chosen will be.  In light of recent events, I don't think you'll be surprised.

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When I close my eyes, I can bring myself back to the dark ultrasound room.  It was late February 2001.  My midwives had suggested I have an ultrasound because my fundal measurements were a full 10 weeks ahead of my actual weeks in pregnancy.  Suspecting I had way more amniotic fluid than I needed, they booked me in for a cold February morning.  Until that point, everything was going smoothly.  Yes, I did have too much fluid, but the baby seemed healthy and happy.  So far nothing that required immediate attention.  I felt relieved and resigned to continue with this pregnancy the way I wanted to.

I breathed a bit easier, expecting to be dismissed by the technician when she asked "Do you want to know the sex?  I have a perfect shot right here.  A 'glass floor' shot, we call it."

I looked at John and he looked at me and we shrugged.  "Sure. Why not?"  I said.

"Did you say you have two girls at home? Well, invest in Tylenol, Dad.  Girl Number 3 is on the way."   To this day her statement about Tylenol baffles me, but we'll move on because I'm not sure now is that time for that rant.

"Holy Shit!"  I yelped out.  Up until that point that I was having a girl was only a feeling. A nagging little something in the back of my head.  "Three girls!  I'm going to have three girls. John, THREE GIRLS!"

For the rest of my pregnancy I rolled that fact around in my head like a marble.  Excited and terrified that sometime that May or June, I would have three daughters in my charge.  Why I was excited is more than likely pretty obvious, but terrified?  Why?  That's hard to explain without opening up many age old debates, but I'll simplify.

I wanted to do my best to raise confident, intelligent, fearless and amazing females.

And here I am.  Mom to 4.  Three of whom are girls. Three of whom will (sooner than I think) be women.

As their Mother, I am the first example of womanhood.  The one they look up to for guidance and support.  I can see it.  They watch me intently.  Any cues they have as to how to be an adult woman, a spouse, a mother, they get from me.  When I think back to my own formative years I remember the one thing that made me feel the way I want to raise my girls to be.  Confident, fearless, fun, amazing.   Being active. 

While running I feel alive and challenged, alone with my thoughts. I push my abilities.  If I am participating in a team sport I feel important and relied upon.  As though the game could not go on without me  or each and every member of that group.  As individuals we are strong.  As a team, we are unstoppable.  Prone to depression, being active in sport keeps that at bay.  Notoriously absent minded I find my ability to focus is stronger when I'm physically fit.  Knowing that my perfomance depends on my body, I eat better and I'm more aware of the foods I choose. 

There are so many benefits to being active, whether individually or team sports. I've always felt strongly that I should pass this passion on to my daughters.  The advancement of women in sport is very important to me.

When my girls see me leave the house for a run, they see my face light up.  They ask me how far I plan to go.  How long do I think it will take?  Can they wait for me on the porch?   When I return they cheer me on and offer me water.  They feed me and fuel me and their pride intensifies my resolve for them to continue seeing their mother as an active person.   Often they attend my soccer games and cheer my whole team from the sidelines.   They hear me encourage and support my teammates.  They witness me treating opponents with respect and mutual admiration.

As much as  I lead by example, I encourage them to play a role as well.  From a young age Kristyn has shown an interest in sport, particularly soccer and basketball.  I remember driving with her in the van past a girls soccer game, most likely a U15 team.  She yelled out  "SOCCER! Me play Soccer!"  As soon as she was eligible she wanted to play  and we enrolled her.  Despite being one of the only girls on that tiny team, she didn't hold back.  It was pretty clear this kid has passion and some natural ability.   

Since those early days I've been involved on some level.  This year committing myself in a way that, because of much younger siblings, I couldn't before.  I was her head coach.   A team of 10 year old girls to myself was a bit daunting, but easily one of the most rewarding things I've ever done.  Throughout the season they got better and better.  Eager to learn and improve with me leading them.   At their End Of Year Cup Tournament I experienced girls in sports like I never have before.   Through five intense games over a three day period they never took their focus off the potential result.   They let nothing stop them, played hard but remained respectful and polite throughout some grueling moments.   Had they not won the final game, they still would have been champions to me, because they came out and they tried.  One parent made my heart soar just by saying "How do you feel? You brought them here!"

Erin is not much different.  She possesses a natural athletic ability that baffles me.  I feel like I've always had to try hard and work just a bit more.  In her first year out of soccer school on a female team she dominated and was a force to come up against.   All the while maintaining grace and compusure that I'm reasonably sure you have to be born with.   While she truly is talented at soccer, she consistently excels in dance.  As does Meghan, her younger sister and our third girl.   They move so confidently.  Like each foot just knows where to go.  In 15 minutes they can choreograph a dance and not move out of step once.

Both Erin and Meghan are on competitive dance teams at a local studio. Though not considered so by some, dance is a sport as well as art.  The term "team" is taken very seriously.  There are weekly practices and meetings.  A lot of time is spent preparing for competitions where the girls are taught to behave as representatives of their school.  They wear the uniform with pride, knowing that many other people are depending on them to try their best.  The life of a dance team Mom is not a quiet one.  Each event requires preparation, promotion and a lot of time. I doubt I would change any of it.

As long as all of my girls are as thrilled to be as involved as they are now, I will continue to support and provide what is required.  I can often be heard encouraging other mothers to do so as well (in a not pushy, informative way!).  Through sport we are all learning time management, planning skills and how to be dependable.  We've all made many new friends and formed bonds. There has been a chance to see groups of women at their best.  Our bodies feel good.  Our minds are clearer.  When I look around at the faces of other women on my team and at the faces of the girls on my daughters' teams I am truly proud to have been born as one of them.  A woman. Fearless. Active. Confident. Unstoppable.

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There are so many places to learn more about the advancement of women and girls in sport. You can be involved as much as you feel the need.  Not every girl needs to be a cleat toting soccer force or an award winning dancer.   Go with your daughter's interests and abilities.  I also want to point out that being the most competitive or most successful is not always key.  Fun is. Keep it fun and enjoyable.  That being said the status of women in sport has never been better.  Young girls have amazing opportunities to be involved on many levels, in tonnes of sports!

Here are some of my favourite sites for more information:

• Canadian Asociation For The Advancement Of Women And Sport And Physical Activity
• Mothers In Motion
• Girls And Sports
• Buy A Girl A Ball Not A Doll
• Women's Hockey In Canada
• Go Big Red, Canada's Women's Soccer Team
• Dance Canada

Blog Posts of my own referring to sports, both regarding myself and my daughters:

• I'm A Dance Team Mom And Proud Of It!
• Let Me Tell You A Story About One Of My Daughters
• A Good Day
• Connecting
• A Whole Category Dedicated To Running and Soccer

Comments

[karen]

I was talking to my husband about this the other day - I was never involved or encouraged to participate in sports. When I look back on those years, girls like me were preoccupied with being pretty, popular, and clawing our way up the social ladder through any means possible.....Girls like yours, involved in sports, always seemed to have friends from all social groups and never seemed too preoccupied with being popular - they always seemed very confident and self-assured. My little family now leads a fit, healthy lifestyle, involved in sports (soccer, karate, running...hopefully adding kayaking and skiing to the mix this next year) and I really hope it makes a difference in our girls lives and how they feel about themselves. Thanks for the post.

[Heather]

What an amazing post. I recently had the oppourtunity to watch my daughter start her first foray into hockey. Her first time on the ice was this past Saturday. She could skate very well. Her first step onto the ice led to a fall. She got right up and continued to skate and fall and skate and fall till she reached the other kids waiting along the boards. She was by far the least experienced skater in the novice camp. What got me was that she did not give up. She would finish every exercise even if it meant being the slowest and not doing it correctly. I know she was frusterated by her body language. I think at one time she was ready to throw her gloves down and walk off but after about 19 mins she was not falling as much and that was a huge improvement. She did finally throw in the towel and came off with tears streaming down her face. Her first comment was "Mommy, I did not think it would be this hard". I asked her if she wanted to come back and she said yes. Mommy I know I can do this even if the boys laughed at me. The next day she was there and skating just a bit better and learning how to skate backwards. Now she comes off disappointed that the practice is over. Her perserverance and courage is so amazing that i know she will go somewhere with that either in sports or just regular life. Here's to strong and confident girls!!!

[Amanda/Soire]

Hoo-rah! ;)

You know how I feel about women in Sport - Going back to Rugby has been the best thing I've done in a long time. I'm not stuffing myself with crap food - I just don't want it. I've got great legs, I feel /Great/ and both girls love to watch me play, and cheer, but they also see my dance, and they love that too!

You're an amazing role model lady. I hope I can do as well with giving my girls the solid foundations you have.

[mamatulip]

Definitely a worthy cause! I love that you're an active mom, both in your children's athletic lives as well as being athletic yourself. Gone are the days of kids getting their "half hour of exercise a day" through the school cirriculim, eh? I think your kids have an AWESOME role model in you.

[Kristen]

I was always into sports, and I loved every minute of it. I can't wait until Leah is old enough to choose some activities to try! I hope she picks soccer (like I did) or track (like mommy!)- but whatever she chooses, I'll be there cheering her on!

[nancy]

Excellent, inspring, fantabulous post!!

[jozet]

I'm a mom to two daughters and one son.

My daughters rock. And they roll. Soccer, softball, skating, swimming, scouting....

You've written a great post. Required reading by moms of daughters everywhere!

[Nancy]

Great -- I love it. One of my only regrets from childhood is that I never got involved in more sports activities -- I think they provide such a crucial sense of self-esteem and accomplishment to young girls. I am hoping my girls will learn to love sports and become comfortable with the places their body can take them (in the athletic sense, of course!)

I can tell you are an amazing role model to your girls. That's the best part of all.

[Anna]

It's true--sports are good for you. I had someone ask me if I was going to let Audrey take aikido like her brothers do once she was old enough. DUH--of course I am. Having been denied access to "boys" activities (don't get me started) I want her to try whatever she likes.
I agree about dance being a sport. It's hard! It's so much more than tutus and tap shoes!!
As for your links, about six - nine months ago, the city I live in was all up in arms about the breastfeeding in public issue. People really need to get over themselves. I would never ask a woman to deny her child food and comfort just because it makes some people uncomfortable....

[Jenny]

Inspiring and perfect!

[jen]

very good stuff. as a mom just starting out w/ her first girl baby, making sure I do all I can to provide her with tools and love and opportunity to grow is so important. thank you for reminding me.

[nomotherearth]

Follow you here from HBM post about the call to action. Great cause! Although I am mum to a Boy, I still think it's good to promote physical fitness, and the best way to do this is to model the good behaviour as a parent. The Boy doesn't have a huge vocabulary yet, but one of the words he does know is "Running", and I'm proud of that fact.