How to make sure your husband wakes up on the wrong side of the bed:
Make the first thing he hears upon opening his eyes your voice. Your yelling voice. What do you yell? "Will you guys hurry up! Brush your teeth. We're going to miss the bus and I'm not driving you, you'll have to walk! Let's go go go go!"
How to make him a bit miffed, later that morning:
Tell him you forgot to pay your People magazine bill again. (Unpaid bills are not a good idea when you're trying to refinance and switch your mortgage.) Even though the first time he reminded you, you said "Would you get off my case! I'll do it. I'm not a kid. Stop reminding me."
How to make him get a little kink in his neck:
Tell him the dishwasher was making a really loud noise and then just stopped.
How to downright piss him off:
Get the Maytag repairman out to your house, that afternoon. Have the repairman take a mere twenty minutes to discover the problem. About ten thousand milk bag corners, a popsicle stick and a lollypop stick. All stuck at the bottom, near the motor. Have him write a cheque for $83.00, while rubbing his now throbbing neck.
How to make him look like his head is going to explode:
Hose off the pool liner and then leave the house running. All night. Right into the basement of the one hundred year old portion of your house. Then refuse to go down there and clean it up because it smells yucky and there are mice down there.
How to make his day a little brighter:
Lean in as you pass him his dinner and tell him that you'll make it all better that night.
How to make him want to divorce you:
Fall asleep at 10pm, having not made anything better.