Watcha think of my new design?
Andreah hollered out that she wanted to screw the pooch her last couple of days at her job. I totally took advantage of that. I think she captured my personality pretty well, huh?
It's 12:15pm and I am still in my flannel lounge pants (calling them that makes them not jammies, which makes it okay). In about 30 minutes I have to have Meg and Alex dressed, my gym bag packed and out the door to preschool and a run.
I have zero motivation to do any of that.
My darling husband turned my day into a craptacular mess before 9am. I made the guy a lunch, poured him a coffee and then we looked through the paper. Mother's Day ads were everywhere. Fuck.
Every single year since I became a Mom it's been the same thing. "My mother is dead. You're not my mother. What do you want me to do?" I think I fall in love with him ALL OVER AGAIN when he says that.
My mother-in-law passed away 5 days before my first Mother's Day. The first one he gets a pass at. His mother had JUST died. I was okay with it. Did I think it was going to go on for 8 more years? Not so much.
Yes. His mother has passed away. No. I am not his mother. I am the mother of his FOUR children though, right?
It's not that he doesn't do anything. He usually lets me sleep in and buys me coffee. I love it. It's the days leading up to it that make me feel like I don't deserve anything at all because, according to him "Every day is Mother's Day here!"
I don't get his logic. My father is an ass. According to him, that means since my father is not in my life and since he is not my father, the day should have no meaning for us. Yet, he is the father of my children and a good one at that. I want to recognize his efforts on that day and let him know we ALL appreciate him.
Am I being a totally unreasonable baby about this? If I am, please tell me now so I can delete this entry and write a new one.
I think Alex is going to be a race car driver, or bus driver, or... well, he'll drive something. Every single time we get into the van he screams if I don't let him sit in the driver's seat and "drive" a bit. Ditto for when we reach our destination. If you come to visit us in a truck, he will hump your leg until you let him sit in it and drive.
As we drive along, if we see any piece of machinery with wheels he screams a high pitched scream until I say "Yes. A tractor." (Or a bus, or a truck, or a bulldozer). There is a corner not too far away that houses a Caterpillar dealership and repair shop. If we drive by that, all bets are off and Alex just shits himself with glee. There are no words for him at that corner.
I find this all extremely cute and as I write it, I'm watching him line his trucks up in a line along the floor saying "Vroom Vroom".
Be still my heart.
I also wanted to mention that I'm helping a friend (who is a kick ass event planner) plan our high school reunion. We're a bit past the ten year mark, but our class was always a bit slack with that stuff. My biggest job so far has been to email out the invitations. That means I get the replies, which has been totally cool. I had a really good time in high school and enjoyed (most of) the people there. I'm anxious to see how they turned out and excited to see (almost) everyone.
It's been good to catch up with those who have written back. Okay, I admit, I also get a big kick out of shocking them with the fact that I've been married for almost 9 years and we have four kids. Though, I do think most of them knew that already. Word like that travels fast. "Did you know Chantal has four kids?" I'm sure always said with four fingers in the air and big eyes. Just like I get in person. One time I actually counted the woman's fingers and said "Yep. One. Two. Three. Four."
The reunion is scheduled for June 11 and I'm pretty excited. Yeehaw, now I can obsess about that for a while. What will I wear? Do I bring John? You've all been spared listening to me bitch and moan about moving!
The list of things to do before next week is getting smaller, but some of the tasks on that list are a bit daunting. One of them is to paint the porch. Has anyone seen the weather forecast for this weekend? Wet Wet Wet. The porch has to be painted. It's the first thing you see when you look at the house. Right now the paint is chipping and peeling.
The rest is mostly small cosmetic items that are not hard, just time consuming. I'm chipping away at them today and tomorrow. One of them is to paint the trim of the entire house before the new carpet gets put down on Monday.
Wanna know what one of my bigger worries is about selling this house? I am not prepared to hear criticism about it. I think we should put in the listing "Owner loves her home and has worked hard to make it look like this. Any critiques will be met with a kick in the ass."
Do you know how many times I've heard "If you love your house so much, why are you moving?" in the last few weeks. Maybe people are getting sick of hearing me whine about moving?
Space. It comes down to space. Right now, this house is perfect with a big space for our kids to play and be entertained etc... The one problem with that is that our business is no longer in the house. The business we are both dedicated to making grow so that we can continue to work from home and always be available to our kids.
It's a no brain-er really. I know that. It all goes back to change and my relationship with it.
John keeps saying we need to sell this house before the bubble bursts on this housing market we got really luck with. Can't say I disagree with him. Doesn't make me wish this house would just burp and extra 1000 square feet any less!
He just called from the farm and said he would be home for lunch before leaving for an auction. I immediately made plans to pop a movie in for Alex and Meg so we could do ... um ... grown up things. Things he fell asleep before we could get to last night. But he has plans to hang a cabinet in the laundry room. Shit. Grown up things at lunch time is an awful lot of fun! Maybe if we work real hard at hanging that cabinet?
The power went out very briefly yesterday afternoon. For some reason, that happens quite a bit in our neighbourhood and I usually freak out. It always happens when I'm cooking dinner or making headway on something really important John wanted done for the business.
This time it happened during the hour that Erin is at dance and my Mom happened to be here. Kristyn took Alex and Meg into the yard to play with mud and my Mom and I just sat and talked.
Sitting there, I realized just how loud my life is when it's going full power. There are lots of "things" in this house that make noise and four of them can be very loud on many occasions. I've always been sensitive to noise, so I think the mystery as to why I scream like a banshee at dinner time for everyone to just shut up is solved.
Even my biggest outlet for stress and a place for me to be left alone is very noisy. At the gym, the music is blaring, weights are clanging and machines are going. So while I get a chance to release energy and aggression, it's definitely not quiet.
As my Mom and I talked she asked how I had been sleeping lately and I was able to answer "Actually, quite well." I've never been a great sleeper. I love to sleep, I just don't do it very well. For a month or so, I've been sleeping more soundly. You know what? A month ago we took the TV out of our room to put into the basement rec room. Huh! Imagine that! No TV before I fall asleep. Just the lull of the fan and some reading.
Amazing things happen when the power goes out. You suddenly get a chance to hear what's going on in your freaking head!
Today, at Kristyn's end of season basketball tournament, her team went undefeated in three games to win the championship. At the skills competition, Kristyn was one of the novice girls "bump" category winners.
Here she is accepting her accolades with the three other girls:
And with her medal (and one of her teamates, Kristyn is on the left) at the end:
Oh and photos of my gorgeous 7 year old are now listed under "photo albums" to the left!
Happy 7th Birthday, Erin!
Seven years ago tonight, at 8:38pm, our second baby girl arrived. Labour was very short, about 4 hours, with only 45 minutes being really intense. (I cannot say enough how grateful I am for the good labour genes passed down to me!).
Erin was born all at once. Head, shoulders, butt ... no break. She came out screaming and red faced. She was 7 pounds 5 ounces and 22.5" long. She's still a string bean!
She is seven, so she was allowed to invite seven girls over for pizza, cake and ice cream. This was hard for Erin as she has at least 10 best friends. Her bestest friend is staying for a sleepover and she's very excited.
Party Pictures will be posted later tonight!
I'm feeling a bit better. I'm thinking of planning a wild night out for my Mom friends. I think we all need it. I don't know how wild we can get, but I say we try!
What it is... This is the thing... I know that what I am doing is important and worthy. I feel incredibly fulfilled and pretty freaking lucky for my life. My kids are amazing. My marriage is solid. It's so opposite of how I grew up and I dig that. Does it get me down sometimes? Sure. Cause it's hard. It's demanding. It makes me tired.
I suppose I'm anticipating being on the defensive when I give my answer to the loaded "So what do you do?" question. I've thought about it though and really, how many people won't think much of stay at home Moms? Not many I figure. And those who do? Well fuck them. It's probably someone I didn't like in high school anyway!
Tomorrow Erin turns seven. She is so excited. After a small party, she's having her first sleepover with her best friend Sarah. Kristyn is letting her have her double bed for the event. See how awesome my kids are? (Okay, they're fighting right now and driving me nuts, but you get the idea.)
Also on for tomorrow is Kristyn's end of season basketball tournament and skills competition. She requested spaghetti for supper to load up on carbs. When an 8 year old puts it like that, can you possibly say no? Besides I play soccer at 8pm. Nice and late. Maybe some pasta will keep me going. Sharing pitchers afterward is always reason enough to stay away though.
I don't know if it's the time of year, the fact that I am about to hit a milestone birthday or that my ninth wedding anniversary is coming up, but I've been feeling kinda wonky lately.
I've had this intense desire to walk out of my life for just one night and do something really crazy, spontaneous and fun. Cause let me tell you, having kids and living the dream is mostly fun, but not much of it is spontaneous or crazy (in a good way).
While living through the last 10 years, alot of it seemed to drag by. Especially the post-partum months. Now that I'm on this side of it, looking back, I'm stuck in that "What the heck happened?" mode.
I sat down this morning to find an instant message from my best friend with a link to a website. That site featured a gorgeous thirtysomething lawyer with accolades up the ass and more letters after her name than Polk A Roo's ABCs.
I went to high school with her. We were very good friends. We had planned to become lawyers, open offices in the US and Canada and become forces to be reckoned with. Chicks who rocked politics and law on both sides of the border.
She did it.
She totally did it.
My life went the way it was supposed to. I am supposed to be here. I love it here. I am living the dream. I know that. So why do I feel so small and insignificant all of a sudden?
Why do I have this feeling that I will go to our high school reunion in June (11 years, we were always slackers) and I will be the one who is "just a Mom."? I know there will be a few stay at home Moms there, but most of them will have had careers beforehand. So far, I have only been a Mom since leaving university in my 3rd year.
I hate feeling this way, because I know it's stupid. I know it's silly. Bleh. Don't mind me. I'm on the cusp of big changes and I'm just trying to figure it all out.
We've decided that Erin has benefited enough from Kumon to stop. It has been such a help. She's gone from being somewhat daunted by learning how to read to an avid reader of chapter books in six months. When we signed up we were told that six months is the usual run for most kids.
I'm relieved. Mostly because it means that I don't have to chase Alex around that hall twice a week. Kumon here is in a church basement and it's the longest 30 minutes of the week with him there. He has knocked over partitions and turned out the lights, scaring handfuls of children. He screams. He carries on. It's like we've caged a beast.
Today was one of the worst days and the day that prompted me to just get it over with and tell the wonderful teacher we are done. Everyone was staring at me. Chasing him here. Chasing him there. Up the stairs. In the washrooms. Into the Church Sanctuary etc... I was getting looks of pity and looks that said "What terrible parenting!".
A few times when I picked him up to bring him back to our seat, he grabbed my boobs and yelled out "Booooo-bies!"
Then I got home and took a look down at my waist. To add to the embarrassment, my fly had been down the entire time. Nice, eh?
I've got some Corona chilling, my awesome husband (he did baths and bed tonight!) sitting on the couch and The Amazing Race is on in a few. Bring it on.